


A Second Spring

by Demonic_activity



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dorks in Love, Epistolary, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pen Pals, Spring Fling, Teen Romance, aka email buddies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-07 13:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14672415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demonic_activity/pseuds/Demonic_activity
Summary: "Spring sucks ass."A strongly expressed distaste for the season sparks an online conversation between teens Magnus and Alec, until then oblivious to each other’s existence. While a friendship blossoms and deeper feelings might be budding, spring is also known for its impetuous and changeable temper. For some it is the season of hope and new beginnings. For others, the absence of exactly that can come into stark relief compared to the sudden upsurge of color and life around.Spring flowers bloom fast, but wilt even faster. Is this connection something that can outlive the season?xx Updates on Wednesdays and Sundays xx





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After the prologue, this will be completely in epistolary style.  
> It is possible I will expand this with little snippets in prose, if anyone would like to read that. For now: brace for an incoming flock of emails.
> 
> Beta-ed by the amazing [alistoney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistoney/pseuds/alistoney), my actual rock without whom I'd still be sobbing behind my laptop unable to get beyond a paragraph ♡

** Prologue **

_“Ah! why has happiness no second Spring?”_ \- Charlotte Smith

It’s a pretty set rule in the existence of human kind that your first email address is a total embarrassment. While in the moment it may seem like the summit of self-awareness, a testimonial to your coolness, a mere few years later it will surely be a cringe worthy remnant of some of the most awkward years of your life, something you would pay good money for to remain forever buried and forgotten.

Does that mean there is nothing to be gained from them, nothing to be learned? If anything, it might be nice to see we’ve come a long way since then.

That is – if we have indeed moved on. There’s days Magnus isn’t too sure he’s actually anything more than an emotionally unstable fool with communication issues, bumbling through life, just succeeding every now and then purely due to chance.

Here’s the thing: it’s not like Magnus believed in fate, or in having one true love or anything like that, but he did believe in the significance of moments. Of something happening at a specific time. Of timing being tantamount to happiness, to love. Just because it is not meant to be, does not mean it cannot hold power over you.

The seasons come and go, that’s a given. Spring will come, inevitably, and with it, bring life and color, sweet days smelling of fresh flowers, hope and possibilities. And when it all comes to a decaying end, there still lingers a promise in the air. To a fault, time and time again, the world will quiver and shake and start anew. When it comes to a human life there are no such guarantees. Not every year is bound to bring you sweetness, second chances or new beginnings. If happiness or love is lost, there is nothing to say it will bloom again like a second spring.

The year had been 2011, and life had been good: afternoons spent lounging about till dinner was ready, chatting online, identifying with pretentious lyrics from emo bands and virtually poking each other. It had been the high time of Facebook and, those days, the online platform had still been very much focused on connecting people – as opposed to BuzzFeed quizzes, rants by your bigoted aunt Debra and questionable news stories.

It had been something like ‘Spring Fling Hay Bale Fair’ or ‘Extravaganza’ or ‘Maze’ or something. Magnus doesn’t remember the exact name of the event, but the point being: it had been a spring themed event, in Suburbia, MA – and it had sounded mind-numbingly dull.

They must have been a couple of connections away. That’s probably why he had seen it. The comment.

Right under Mary Mulholland’s posting of the upcoming event.

“Spring sucks ass.”

It’s not like there had never been any profanity on the social media platform, or that he had known who any of these people were. But there had been something about the – frankly rude – comment, perhaps the contrast with the seemingly innocuous nature of the advertised event.

Curiosity had gotten the better of him and he’d clicked on the name. For a book of faces, this profile had been painfully lacking in that department. No profile picture, just a couple of tagged photos that could only tell Magnus that the guy in question had at least one elbow intact and that he quite possibly just looked like a blurry blob in real life as well.

Personal info hadn’t been much better.

Just an email address.

Yeah, Magnus didn’t believe in higher powers, or in fate, it’s kind of hard to do so when life has dealt you a nasty blow or two. But even then, or especially then, it’s so fucking tempting, isn’t it?


	2. Chapter 2

** Part 1. March**

_“March is the month of expectation, the things we do not know, The persons of prognostication are coming now. We try to sham becoming firmness, But pompous joy betrays us, as his first betrothal betrays a boy.”_ \- Emily Dickinson

From: <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Wednesday, March 2, 2011 7:37 PM  
Subject: head’s up

Hi,

Just thought you should know, if you’re planning on becoming an avid internet vigilante (and, I don’t know, steal spring, or rain on the spring spirit?), you should probably know your profile and email is visible for everyone on facebook (including one Mary Mulholland)? I didn’t know if you were aware is all.

\- a concerned citizen

p.s. so what’s with the hate, is it hay fever or what?

* * *

 From: <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, March 3, 2011 10:21 PM  
Subject: Re: head’s up

hi?

Is this about the comment on the hay maze? I took it down already.

Whatever. Apparently it was “insulting to Mrs. Mulholland’s wonderful and dedicated efforts”, but that’s definitely just because my mum needs to suck up to her. Also I’m pretty sure I saw Mrs. Mulholland kick a cat the other day, soooo

No I don’t have hay fever.

You go to Wellesly or something?

alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Friday, March 4, 2011 7:12 AM  
Subject: nice to meet you

Hi Alec,

Okay so first of all, she kicked a cat?!!! Then she more than deserves all the hate coming her way, in my not very humble opinion. Your vigilante activism has my full support. Maybe make another account though? And then rethink the name, no offense obv, but ‘Alec’ doesn’t exactly have a very threatening ring to it, now does it?

I’m assuming you mean your school? Then no. If not, then actually also no, probably: I live in bustling Hartford, CT.

Magnus

p.s. hmm okay so maybe you’re allergic to the sun or something?

* * *

 From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Friday, March 4, 2011 21:09 PM  
Subject: RE: nice to meet you

Magnus,

You’re right. Now I know your name, it seems much more suitable for a vigilante superhero (or villain?), so you know, if you’re interested, I hear there’s a vacancy around here. I’m afraid I’ll be hanging up my spandex costume already, and will be retiring until further notice.

Though it sounds like you’d have your hands full already with your own hometown.

And, nope, wrong again. I mean I am pretty pale and burn easily, but come on, the sun?? Have you been outside recently, it’s like barely 55 degrees out?

Uhm how old are you actually?

alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Sunday, March 6, 2011 3:48 PM  
Subject: I am shocked

Alexander! (I can call you Alexander, right?)

You bring up spandex before asking someone’s age? What if I was some middle aged creep? (Wait is this your way of asking me to be your spandex-clad sidekick or are you actually retiring? What about Mrs. Mulholland and her devious cat-kicking ways?)

\- an increasingly concerned citizen

p.s. fine okay. So maybe you just hate colorful flowers and baby animals? But then I’m not sure we can be friends… alright I’ll tell you what I can do, I will vow here and now to make you change your mind about spring! I consider it no more than my civic duty.

p.p.s. I’m 17, you can look me up on facebook as well if you don’t believe me. Unlike you, I actually have a profile worth speaking of (search for Magnus Bane).

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood<[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Sunday, March 6, 2011 11:56 PM  
Subject: sure you are

No I don’t normally bring up spandex at all. You… bring out something weird in people, I’m sure of it. I can’t be the only one suffering from this, have you asked around?

Yeeeah *so* sorry about that, I wish I could have been more useful, but I’m already pretty much grounded till actual retirement age, so I probably shouldn’t risk any more adventures, digital or otherwise.

alec

p.s. good luck with that.

p.p.s. wow, you have a lot of friends online btw. 

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Monday, March 7, 2011 7:08 PM  
Subject: FW: Alec Lightwood liked your photo

Busted!!!

You know I get notifications for these, right? Let’s just say my inbox is pretty full right now….

        From: [notification+pd_71_v_@facebookmail.com](mailto:notification+pd_71_v_@facebookmail.com)  
        To: [ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)  
        Subject: Alec Lightwood liked your photo


	3. Chapter 3

_“In March winter is holding back and spring is pulling forward. Something holds and something pulls inside of us too.”_ \- Jean Hersey

 

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:ishootarrowsnotblanks@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Wednesday, March 16, 2011 8:10 AM  
Subject: tired and stressed, but as promised:

Another list of reasons. I will not rest until spring is saved from your death glare! Even though I’ve been at this for some time, there’s still so many more I can think of, so be careful! Before you know it, you’ll be wearing a flower crown :).

Reason 22: there is always this moment, when there’s that first warm day of the season, that you can smell it in the air, that prelude to summer, that brings back all the good memories and feelings of summer without the actual stifling heat or missing your friends or whatever else negative. And then at the end of the day, when the pavement has warmed and it’s softly raining (because spring) and you smell that…. that warm wet pavement smell (damnit I’m not describing this right!) and it’s heavy in the air and, again, it _feels_ like summer, like we’re almost there.

Reason 23: this hedgehog.

Okay just two reasons today, I need to study for a test now, for some unimaginable reason I decided taking AP statistics was an absolute necessity :’(

But we’re getting there, yeah? Don’t try to hide it, you’re _warming up_ to the season (hehe), I just know it!

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:ishootarrowsnotblanks@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Wednesday, March 16, 2011 3:50 PM  
Subject: go sleep!

Hmm, you make a compelling case Magnus. Bit cheap though, with the hedgehog? I expected more from you, is all I’m saying.

Nothing tot do with the quantity, don’t sweat it, please, just, go study? If you need help by the way, I actually… like statistics? I know… total weirdo.

Anyway, I was just thinking, even though I am learning a lot of random facts about you because of this crusade for spring you seem to have signed yourself up for, I feel like I don’t know anything meaningful about you. So, tell me something real? If you will, or want, I don’t know.

alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:ishootarrowsnotblanks@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Wednesday, March 16, 2011 5:42 PM  
Subject: yes MOM

Alexander, I feel personally offended that you didn’t think me capable enough to have looooong figured that you are in fact a total nerd.

Wait, now I’m gonna google your school, you mentioned that somewhere, it must be some kind of fancy school yeah? I’m getting those vibes.

Something real, hmmm. Well maybe you would be interested to know that if I were a fruit, I would totally be pineapple. What kind of fruit would you be?

By the way, if I thought it would help, I would totally look for cute animal pictures all day and send them to you on facebook. (for your sake, of course, not mine), but alas you never seem to read my messages on there.

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:ishootarrowsnotblanks@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 2:38 AM  
Subject: shut up

Magnus,

Yeah, yeah, it’s pretty useless messaging me on there, I don’t even know how half of that stuff works and I’m never on there anyway, I really don’t see the point to sort of advertising yourself online. And my sister already gives me enough crap for this, so please - don’t, I need you on my side! Honestly, siblings can be the worst, I have two brothers and a sister and I’m the oldest you know, I should look out for them and instead they’re so overbearing with me, it’s just… a lot. They mean well but it seems I can’t take a proper full breath in this house lately.

Anyway, I email you right? somehow seems much more personal anyway…

Okay so that’s a ridiculous answer, I asked you for “something real” and specifically not more random facts.

So here’s a better one for you: what’s the thing your least proud of?

p.s. I would definitely be a lemon

p.p.s. yeah it’s an alright school, I guess, but I’m sort of homeschooled these last few months?

alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:ishootarrowsnotblanks@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 11:57 AM  
Subject: you go sleep!

1) You email at the weirdest times Alexander. What are you even doing up at those times? (besides writing me, duh!). And how do you get through the day without any sleep?? I usually make sure I get my 8 hours of beauty sleep (the other night being an exception), or it’s no fun for anyone involved, trust me.

2) Okay you’re right, your brothers and sister sound like a handful, but come on, even from all the way over here, the secret fondness is just dripping down my laptop screen (you’ll get my bill), so DON’T LIE TO ME, Alexander Lightwood. Do you have a middle name? I feel like you should have a middle name. But I will be the grownup here and I will be honest: I envy you for having siblings, I never had any and I feel like there’s something to be said for people that are obligated by blood to put up with your bullshit.

And you ask some deep questions, okay, where to start, lol. I guess I’m not particularly proud of around this time last year when I thought I could rock the skater look (spoiler alert: I couldn’t).

3) What are you doing, mentioning you’re being _homeschooled_ in a p.p.s? I feel like you don’t get the meaning of a postscriptum. You’d start to think I’m a fan of guessing games, but I’m not! Explain yourself Lightwood! Did you get kicked out of school for being a spring scrooge? Did you outsmart all your peers _and_ your teachers? Are you actually secretly in prison?

Okay maybe I’m a little bit of a fan…

M

p.s. oh trust me, you would _not_ be a lemon, unless you meant a tall glass of lemonade on a hot day ;)

p.p.s. yes I know this because your previously mentioned lovely sister is _very_ forthcoming with actual footage of the enigma Alec Lightwood in the wild (including baby pictures).

* * *

From: <[x_izzylicious_x@msn.com](mailto:x_izzylicious_x@msn.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 7:22 PM  
Subject: Sincerest apologies

Dear Magnus Bane,

I would hereby like to formally apologize for stepping completely out of bound and sending you those pictures of my older brother without his consent. That was “uncalled for” and “sneaky”, not to mention a breach of his privacy. From now on I will refrain from any meddlesome activities and will not contact you again until explicit consent is given by one Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Please respect his privacy in a similar manner by not indulging me, goading me on, or initiating conversation from your side. This will be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Yours sincerely,

Isabelle Lightwood

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

k this is far enough down that alec won’t see it and i’ll be quick b4 he comes back. Sowwwy, no more pictures, but i’ll see what i can do to get him to share a bit more himself. Also because, hello he is totally hot right??? (and i can say that because we share the same genes and obv we r totally similarly blessed). i think ur good 4 him Magnus, and you seem cool. k here he comes, byeeee ttyl xx

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:ishootarrowsnotblanks@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 10:03 PM  
Subject: Muhahahahaha

Hi GIDEON,

Just wanted to say hi.

That’s all.

xx Magnus

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:ishootarrowsnotblanks@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, March 17, 2011 10:18 PM  
Subject: RE: Muhahahahaha

Damnit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 2. April**

_“April makes us eager”_ \- Dancing Years

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Friday, April 1, 2011 11:42 PM  
Subject: seeking a human connection

Soooo… not that I don’t completely and totally enjoy our digital correspondence, but you know, there is nothing wrong with some good old-fashioned texting or, dare I say, phoning?

Is there a number I could reach you on? Mostly in case of emergency, of course.

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 2, 2011 03:51 AM  
Subject: RE: seeking a human connection

Magnus,

I don’t think I need to explain to you that texting is very much a digital concept as well?

Also, I think it’s safe to say your definition of emergency is rather a lot broader than that of the average (read: reasonable) person.

alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 2, 2011 12:04 PM  
Subject: RE: RE: seeking a human connection

Alexander,

You are absolutely right, average and reasonable are two things I do not associate myself with, thank you very much.

But that’s a no then? On the phone number?

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 2, 2011 3:16 PM  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: seeking a human connection

Oh. I thought you were joking, you know, what with April 1st and all.

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 2, 2011 3:33 PM  
Subject: what?

Alexander,

I would never joke about serious matters like getting a cute guy’s number. And you’re so much more than cute, so I might even be extra serious (or overeager?), but never joking. And maybe I should clarify that when I say emergency I do actually mean that I want to text you a lot about random things many times throughout the day, and maybe call you sometimes - for fun? Anyway, just so we’re clear, in case I haven't been. I like you.

xx Magnus

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 2, 2011 9:01 PM  
Subject: FW: what?

Did I lose you? Maybe we should just forget I ever asked? We can just collectively skip over the existence of those last few emails?

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 2, 2011 9:18 PM  
Subject: RE: FW: what?

No! No, I would very much like to keep your emails, all of them, word for word. Especially _that_ one. Yes, you can have my number. It’s not that I’m hesitant for you to have it, that I don’t want you to have it, I guess I just wanted to be sure it would mean the same thing to you as it would to me. So, yes. 

xx Alec


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waaaaat ?  
> 2 chapters posted together?  
> Why yes :)

_ “April is the cruellest month.” _ \- T.S. Eliot

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 4:22 AM  
Subject: <no subject>

Magnus do you ever feel like you’re just a spectator in your own life? Like you’re constantly sidelined and benched. I’m getting dragged to this stupid function tonight because my mom is running for city council, and she knows I hate it. How I hate pretending everything is fine and dandy, how I hate to have to lie time and time again. It’s like she doesn’t take me, the parts of me she doesn’t like, serious. It makes me feel so powerless, like I’m just an empty shape for her to mold , not even real, just stuck in some weird, painfully realistic video game; forever stuck in this part of my life, while ironically no one actually truly…it’s just, lately, everyone is just making decisions for me like I’m not even here. It’s not me. But the sad part is I don’t even know who I am yet Magnus, and sometimes I don’t know if I ever will.

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 7:25 AM  
Subject: RE:

I'm so sorry you had a bad evening (and night?), darling. I think in part it’s normal to feel stuck sometimes, or that you’re not free to make your own decisions. My parents aren’t really so strict, or over-involved in my life (or involved much, period?), so it’s hard to imagine exactly what you’re going through. But I’m here for you! I want to be here for you. What can I do to help?

If you could do anything, or go anywhere, right now, what would you do? What would you want?

xx  Magnus

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 3:34 PM  
Subject: please ignore me

I don’t know, for the ground to open up and swallow me whole? To go back 24 hours ago so I could erase my previous email?

Shit, Magnus, I’m so so sorry for like unloading these stupid midnight ramblings I have. Sometimes I just can’t get a grip, like my thoughts are running away with me, it can be a little frightening I’ve been told. It’s just, in the middle of the night, normally, I can’t share that with anyone, and I was going out of my mind a little, like all day long I’m filled to the brim with things I can’t say and sometimes the dam just breaks? But that’s no excuse, I don’t want to burden you with all that, I’m really sorry, can we just forget I ever sent all that?

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 3:55 PM  
Subject: yeah that’s not going to happen

Alexander,

Please don’t apologize, that’s what I’m here for! Not just the weird facts, the friendly chat and all that jazz, but also the less fun stuff. I feel… not exactly happy, obv, but, I guess honored? that you would decide to share that with me, and not with anyone else. I just wish I could be of more help, darling. You feel very far away right now. I would offer to call, but you would have to promise not to hang up immediately like last time. Okay, sorry, I did call you kinda out of the blue. But I’m just joking now, I’ll be serious again!

Alright, you said you feel stuck and you sound maybe a bit lost? Perhaps I can help you talk through how you could possibly move forward. Hmm, let’s see, I’ll narrow it down for you, if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

If it’s easier, I could go first? I feel so silly saying this, but I dream about New York, about making it my own, biting into the big apple, even though no true New Yorker – or cool person for that matter – ever ever ever calls it that. So please don’t save this email as evidence of my uncoolness in case I do end up living there, alright? Honestly, I know it’s just the most cliché thing ever. Everyone and their racist uncle in Connecticut dreams of being able to afford living in the city. And it’s probably never going to happen, but it’s the only thing keeping me slightly sane right now (besides you, of course), so I don’t care if you find me pathetic! (even if I kind of do)

xx Magnus

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 4:16 PM  
Subject: fine (not fine)

Magnus,

Thank you, I feel like apologizing again, but I will respect the fact that you say I shouldn’t. And now I feel like deleting that sentence, but I won’t (I think).

Okay, that seems like a really easy question, but somehow I’m quite stuck on it. I don’t know, I can’t really picture myself living or going anywhere else. It’s surprisingly hard to imagine the future like that. Now that sounds lame, like Newton is an awesome place to live – it’s not, trust me. I mean, I have these vague ideas, probably. I really like those discoveries of ancient cities on Nat Geo I guess, does that count? Or maybe Mars…

I can picture you in New York though, so perfectly clear.

xx Alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 4:19 PM  
Subject: hmmm

Okay, I’ll bite, what do you picture then? ;)

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To:  Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 4:49 PM  
Subject: you

You’re at a laundromat, sitting in the one chair by the window you know gets a good amount of sunshine late in the afternoon and has a good view of the street, so you can see everyone milling around on the sidewalk, looking busy and important. You brought a book, but it’s mostly for show (something pretentious you couldn’t even get fifty pages into), as you’re simply much too distracted to actually read. Doing what, you ask? Flirting with the lovely blonde Ukrainian owner, for one, who’s about twenty years older than you (inappropriate, Magnus), not to mention very much gay, but she likes you. Mostly though, you’re secretly hoping to run into someone special, maybe a boy or girl who asks you about your book and then you both end up laughing when you realize neither of you have read it and that you've been trying to bluff your way through it. Or maybe someone you have been trying to beat to it for the use of the last available dryer. Who knows? But if that doesn’t happen today, that’s fine, because the entire city is brimming with endless opportunities, and you, you would jump at every single one, never hesitating. And did I mention you have not one, but two cats now? So you’re doing just fine. Fully living in that moment, dozing in the golden hour with the comfortable, familiar rumble of the washers in the background, already planning what new food to try tonight, and how to convince the cute girl from the corner shop to go try it out with you.

You’re gonna be fine, Magnus. More than fine, you’re gonna be great.

* * *

_This message was not sent_  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Subject: RE: you

Holy fuck, Alec, I

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Tuesday, April 12, 2011 4:58 PM  
Subject: dF$5df#@dg;KAaa

Alec,

I’m in awe (even if you may have left a crucial element out in that wonderful picture you painted).

Do you want to meet, Alexander? I would love to meet in person.

Magnus


	6. Chapter 6

_“Sweet April's tears, Dead on the hem of May.”_ – Alexander Smith

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 5:51 PM  
Subject: meeting Saturday

Magnus,

Here is the link to the café: <http://thinkingcup.com/>, I still feel bad for you coming all this way, are you sure about this? Anyway, please check out the menu, you think it’s okay? It’s right next to a park that’s quite nice, if you’re into that sort of thing, like it has ponds and stuff, we could also meet there, or go there after or something? What do you think? We can also go somewhere else of course, if you hate it, or if you don’t drink coffee or tea or anything. It’s casual so you don’t have to dress fancy or something, not that I thought you would, but of course you also totally can if you want to. And there’s parking in the city, but for the center it’s best to just take the T into town, there’s a good reason for the term “massholes” when it comes to traffic in MA. Did I forget something? Are you still okay to meet? I could send you some more options if you like?

xx alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 6:04 PM  
Subject: hey!

Alexander…

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 6:06 PM  
Subject: RE: hey!

Yeah?

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 6:08 PM  
Subject: remember

Breathe :)

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 23, 2011 11:55 PM  
Subject: Today

Magnus,

I’m not great with words – at all. I should have probably just told you this today, but I guess I was overwhelmed (in a totally good way!). You might have guessed this about me, but I can count the people I truly care about on one hand. That’s not an exaggeration. Actually, I think I’m struggling getting to five at all, so it might just depend on the hand.

I guess part of that is just me – I don’t connect so well or easily with people, but it’s also a sort of a form of protection, probably, I don’t know. I grew up kind of secluded, in a competitive environment, and caring about others, relationships and all: it was never front and center in our home. Anyway, what I think I’m trying to say is – I care about you.

xx Alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2011 10:01 AM  
Subject: RE: Today

Alexander,

What are you talking about? You’re great with words. Well, most of the time anyway. How else would you explain that I’m sitting here, grinning like an idiot??

I had an amazing time yesterday. You’re truly something else, Alexander (in a totally good way!).

xx Magnus

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2011 12:35 PM  
Subject: RE: RE: Today

Paper (email?) is patient, Magnus, it’s different when I’m with people, when I’m with you.

Should I take longer to ask you when I can see you again? I probably should, yet here I am. When can I see you again?

xx Alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Sunday, April 24, 2011 10:22 PM  
Subject: I can be patient(?)

Okay, yeah, no most of the time maybe I’m not exactly patient, but for you I can be? Even though, dear Alexander, it doesn’t feel like I have to -  at all - when I’m with you. It’s easy as breathing or... applying eyeliner perfectly in one go (which I’m excellent at). See! I don’t even care that I can’t think of anything else I can do well or easily that gives me purpose in life. That’s because of you, you give me peace rather than patience.

Because I’m definitely impatient to see you again too!! I just don’t know if I’ll have an opportunity anytime soon. Ughhh, this really sucks.

xx Magnus

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Monday, April 25, 2011 01:52 AM  
Subject: *snorts*

Magnus,

I know :(. It’s okay, I get it. Maybe we could call sometime soon? I’m sure I’ll do better now that I’ve actually seen you in person. And that way you won’t actually have to deal with my sweaty palms, so there’s probably something good coming out of this in the end.

xx Alec

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Monday, April 25, 2011 08:12 AM  
Subject: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

Alexander,

Excuse me, I happen to really like your sweaty palms! At least there wasn’t any vomit on sweaters to speak of.

But you actually gave me a great idea! Are you free to call tomorrow night at around midnight/12.30am? It has to be tomorrow night. You’re gonna need a warm coat and access to something like a roof. Oh and keep an eye out for the mail!

xx Magnus

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Monday, April 25, 2011 12:14 PM  
Subject: ha-ha

That sounds… ominous. But yeah, sure! I’m grounded again anyway, for having “snuck out” to see you without permission, so leaving the house without, you know, _leaving_ the house, sounds fucking ideal.

But you got me really curious, I have to say.

Talk to you soon then, I guess :)

xx Alec

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Wednesday, April 27, 2011 1:22 PM  
Subject: how dare you

Magnus, what the hell, I still can’t believe I took you out for coffee. Like that is actually embarrassing in retrospect. Jesus, I probably told you this a million times already over the phone, but I still can’t get over it, a fucking meteor shower, Magnus? A picnic basket??? I can only imagine how much it must’ve cost to have it delivered here so fast. Honestly, I can never take you anywhere again, I’m sorry, nowhere but down from here.

Okay, in all seriousness, I just wanted to share this shitty picture that barely captures how unreal last night was.

But, yeah, I’m sorry, I don’t think we can date anymore, I hope you can understand. I’m ruined for any future dates (and possibly in many other ways as well).

* * *

From: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
To: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Wednesday, April 27, 2011 3:08 PM  
Subject: I’m…. sorry?

Shit you’re actually making me blush here, how embarrassing. I guess distance isn’t always a bad thing.

Oooh that’s not a shitty picture at all! It’s better than anything I managed to capture, I’m saving it immediately.

Hmmm, I’m afraid never going out with you again is not an option for me. If that means we’re doomed to mediocre dates for the rest of our days, well that’s just something we’re going to have to live with.

Talk to you tonight, darling!

xxx Magnus

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2011 11:22 PM  
Subject: call me when you read this?

Hey,

You’re not picking up, so I guess you’re probably asleep already. I’m not feeling too great tonight and you said I could always call… so yeah. We can probably talk tomorrow, I just, I don’t know who else to talk to. No one gets it, gets me like you do, treats me like a normal functioning human being. And I can’t blame them Magnus, who could? I just bring worries and troubles with me; they follow in my wake like my own shadow that I can never shake, never confront.

Anyway, I don’t wanna burden you with this either. We’ll talk tomorrow. Maybe I could come see you this weekend?

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 30, 2011 1:47 AM  
Subject: please

Okay, I know I said I would wait till tomorrow, but I can feel it’s bad tonight. It's so hard to explain, I don't know what to tell you, and I guess I'm afraid I've already said too much? But it feels paralyzing, like a monster in a nightmare: something you can ignore most days, but once you’ve accidentally stared at it straight in the face, sucks you in like a black hole. A deep darkness that I can’t tell the vastness of. You know, rationally, the monster only holds the power over you that you give it, but when that monster is a part of you, it’s all so fucked up. A circular reasoning I can’t find my way out of. I really don’t want to have these thoughts, Magnus, but it’s so hard to fight them. I really need to see you, please.

* * *

From: Alec Lightwood <[arrowintothedark@hotmail.com](mailto:arrowintothedark@hotmail.com)>  
To: Magnus Bane <[ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com](mailto:ChairmanMeow66@hotmail.com)>  
Sent: Saturday, April 30, 2011 2:33 AM  
Subject: <no subject>

I called you again, shit I’m so sorry, I hate myself for this, but lately it’s like I only feel calm when I’m with you. You make me better in a way, like I could be someone else if I wanted to. I have to see you, please, I’m driving down now, can you meet me somewhere near you? I’ll call you when I get close.

**Author's Note:**

> xoxo You can also find me on [Tumblr](https://demonic-activity.tumblr.com/) xoxo


End file.
